My maths teacher made comments on my body and wiggled his tongue
Feel shame about saying that..
I’m the one that doesn’t belong
If I use that as an example, then later speak about other, separate things that have happened in my life
Events seem unbelievable
Too much, almost..
but, No, they happen
‘Experiences’ are rife
Women have multiple incidents of harassment, but instinctively we play them down
Truth, not scaling down for credibility
The mind selects an informing moment
You just mention just the first one it found
Big picture, the scale of it, sounds unbelievable
And we wouldn’t be believed
Just because one person in younger life was a bully, say
Doesn’t mean I’m not twice deceived
Perhaps I’m a woman ‘complaining’
Stories trapped that I don’t list..
What is it about me that reacted badly?
The way I was shaped, I was deserving of
What is it that I missed?
As if we have an acceptable amount of times you can be harassed, or bullied, or conned
I must be exaggerating
The street safety that we really grieve
I must have got it wrong
It’s not shame that, in Maths, those disgusting comments were made
But, in the case of the maths teacher
Time and distance makes me afraid
He wasn’t alone, wasn’t the only person
Most women have shocking — and not shocking — stories on being objectified
Easing into truth gently, inoffensively,
Hoping it would thrive
Another reality, in walking and having getting phone numbers ready to dial
Judged for being ‘ill — prepared’
But I’m not the person on trial
What did we do? What are all the ‘responsible things’ that I’ve tried?
But the blame is mine..
When applying the man repellent this morning
I didn’t leave it long enough to dry